Tuesday, April 01, 2008

ok...the question is:

how do you feel when you disagree but DON"T say anything. honestly. try it once for real and then report back.


Casey said...

I am okay with not speaking up sometimes. Yes, it is better if you can but... here's the thing... it is FAR more frustrating to me to try to tell my opinion and have the person not listen to me (because I am powerless to do anything about it. I can't force them to listen)than it is to make a choice to not cpeak up at that time and to make a choice to speak up in another way at another time. In asking how this feels, the circumstances also need to be considered. Like - who does this happen with? Sometimes peers but not usually. Usually I can respond to peers with no problem. The situations I am talking about where people are not willing to listen are people in authority like parents or teachers. For example, I have had to endure (and I'm sure everyone else has, too) years of teachers talking about Native American uprisings and the politics involved when in actuality, they were NOT uprisings. They were trying to defend themselves and their land. We invaded them. But, what teacher is going to listen to a kid in a classroom in front of other kids even if that kid has done tons of research and the teacher has only read the teacher's manual? I did try inserting my opinion and what happens is they not only blow you off but you get labeled as a trouble maker and become a joke. Sometimes, they even retaliate. So... how is this helpful to the cause you are speaking up about? It's not. I am saying I think it is far better in situations like this, to keep your mouth shut and talk to the person alone when they are calm and more open to your ideas. I have had a lot of success with this. The teacher is more willing to listen and is more open to what you have to say. The teacher isn't embarrassed in front of other people and your reputation stays together. When you handle it this way, I have foud that 9 times out of 10, that person will come back to the group with the new information and present it as their own. Everyone still gets to think and everyone gets to save face. Why do I need public credit if the information is getting out there? Maybe we are talking about different scenarios. Come on people - pitch in here. DOn't leave me hanging. What are your thoughts?

Maddy said...

I tend to agree a lot with what Casey is saying. I think there is a lot of interesting psychology behind interpersonal communication. I really want to do some reading up on it. Maybe I'll check out a book from the library. Hopefully I'll have a chance to take a class about this in college. I think there are lots of different strategies people use to get others to listen to their views. That might be an interesting jumping point for a piece when we have some time...

Anonymous said...

Thanks Maddy! It was getting a little lonely.


(Casey again BTW)

rebeccarbullen said...

I find if I do not respond when I disagree that I feel I am not being authentic to my values. A very important value, knowledge.
If someone says something I disagree with or does not settle right with me it doesn't necessarily put up a red flag or scream debate. I can most certainly have a dialog with someone who has different opinions without feeling I need to change their mind or mine.
However, by voicing my feelings I encourage others to do the same. While not only helping myself to understand where they are coming from, I am also giving them the opportunity to see my perspective as well.
How can we break down barriers of fear or learn about other people if we can't simply have a conversation about differing views?
And yes, I have been in situations where the person does not appear to be listening. I have however discovered that that shifts significantly when approached from the perspective of being interested in what they are saying and not just trying to have my opinion heard. Having a conversation vs. a debate or lecture.
And yes, there are times when this just can’t happen and you move on.

Kirsten;; said...

artists use lies to tell the truth.

i find it almost impossible to hide my opinion when it is something i feel very strongly about. it depends on how people are saying a particular opinion, but i find certain things just spark an immediate opposing reacting inside, which if not spoken is usually still noticed by the party in question, whether through a look or body language...

however if an opposing opinion is stated in such a way where it is allowing for other opinions, or something not very close to me, then i can deal quite easily with letting it slip without confrontation.

a feeling of "not being heard" even when speaking up, however, is possibly the most frustrating, weakening, and infuriating experiences i have ever gone through. i think it happens too much especially to teenagers, because we are still seen as immature or nieve by many adults we encounter everyday [with exceptions of course].

some adults are very good at listening to kids, teens, and each other, and open to converation so that confrontation isn't necessary. =] i personally love those people with a passion.

night all. =D